List

Everyone that blogs has a list. I have been thinking of topics...what I hate, what I love, pet peeves, etc. I wanted to step out a bit.
So here is a list of my favorite quotes from Jack Handey (no particular order)
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Rehab is for quitters.
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
What is another word for synonym?
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
If a mute swears does his mother wash his hands out with soap?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
Mom used to get offended when I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat ruffage!
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my father did, not screaming in terror like his passengers.
A good man has few enemies. A ruthless man has none.
Save the whales! Collect the whole set
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his ribcage.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda' neat.
Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day, but give him a case of dynamite and soon the village will be showered with mud and seaweed and unidentifiable chunks of fish.

I love it!